Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers today. Your texts, emails, comments, and facebook messages meant the world to me! We are so blessed to have so many people loving and supporting us.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the peace today that I was praying for. The appointment was very, very difficult for me. They took Rusty into a room to do a test while I waited in the waiting room. The technician came out of the room, upset with someone for scheduling the wrong test and was LOUDLY venting his frustration, where everyone in the waiting room could hear him. He proceeded to talk about all of Rusty's information, including the tests results that we had been waiting for.

I will tell you this. It was not the result I wanted to hear and certainly not the way that I wanted to hear it.

I started bawling right there in the waiting room. Apparently, it created quite a scene because the doctor went in to tell Rusty that his wife was crying in the waiting room. The tech said to Rusty, "She's upset because of the infertility? I guess your wife really wants a baby?" No moron. We are just here because we had nothing else to do on a Friday afternoon. The tech came out to the waiting room and said "Don't worry, your husband is doing fine." I wasn't worried- I was furious!

And for those of you that specifically prayed for God to be creative and reveal His presence to me...
A sweet man in the waiting room handed me a tissue and said, "You just got to give it to God, dear. He'll take care of you." Then the water faucets started again. Oh, how I needed that reminder right then. So that's what I did. I gave it to Him. I sat there and prayed that the tech was wrong or maybe there was another interpretation of the results.
We waited some more and 2 hours after we arrived, we finally got the chance to talk to the doctor.

The good news?
The tech was wrong about the test results!
The bad news?
We still don't have an answer. We have lots of abnormal tests but the doctor can't tell us whether or not those abnormalities are significant enough to cause such severe infertility. If one of the top doctors in the country can't, who can?
So, he recommended that we do another test- a test that I thought they had done the last time. And guess what? Those results take another 3 weeks!

Needless to say, I am very frustrated. I just want an answer. I am trying to have patience, but it's so hard. We probably would not move forward quickly, but that is not the point. I just needed to know if and how we will proceed, when the time is right.

One really good thing did come of the appointment though. The doctor got a lesson from a patient on the importance of professionalism. My sweet, not afraid to confront, attorney husband made sure to let him know what happened. It's a new office, so they are working out the kinks for sure, but he was told today- invest in a door to separate the waiting room from the doctors!!

The Baby Lab

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I watch these terribly emotional shows? Tears are streaming down my face as I watch a show on Discovery Health called "The Baby Lab." It's basically "The Baby Story," but the story of infertile couples walking through IVF. They follow several couples because they have to show both good and bad outcomes for dramatic effect. But, the happy endings are not the ones making me cry today.

It is the couple who is smiling, full of hope as they wait on their transfer, only to get the news that their embryos do not look great and they probably won't result in a pregnancy. I watched as all of the hope drained from their faces. My heart is breaking for them and memories are flooding back of the same conversation that we had just before our first transfer. So much hope for new life, so much possibility, and so much caution all wrapped into one. I wanted desperately for these babies to grow, believing in a big God that can do anything, but all the while guarding my heart because I know the medical statistics. How do you balance faith and knowledge?

It was the doctor trying to encourage a couple before they even knew what the outcome was going to be of this round, "If you don't get pregnant this time, you can always use a donor or consider adoption." If he wasn't inside the tv, I would have hit him for that poor woman. Here she sits, clinging to the last little bit of hope that she can muster and yet the doctor has none. When you are giving so much to be a biological parent, the last thing that you want to hear about is your other options. She knows her options. I can assure you that she has researched every possibility ad nauseam. But, right now she needs her own doctor to believe in her and give her some hope that all of this has been worth it.

It's the phone conversation that happens two weeks later. The couple has sat by the phone anxiously for hours. They know that the chances are not good, but they hold onto hope until the very last moment when they hear, "You are not pregnant." After each transfer, I went to the doctor every two days for blood work. Then, I would come home and wait for the call to tell me how my hormone levels looked and how to adjust the dosage of medications that I was taking. It was my whole life, consuming every thought of every day. It was a roller coaster of emotion, trying to predict what each level meant. Getting my hopes up one day, then being discouraged the next. Until the 14th day, when I drove to the doctor for the very last time to have the final blood test done. We knew things weren't looking very positive, but had spent hours on our knees praying for God to work a miracle. After the last appointment, I would come home and sit on the couch for 6 hours with the phone in my hand, praying that He would some how work this out. Each time the final call came, with that dreaded result "You are not pregnant." The first time, I felt like my heart was ripped from my chest. I sat in the shower crying my eyes out. I hadn't felt that kind of pain since I lost Holland. The second time, I crawled into the bed with the covers over my head and just prayed to sleep until Rusty came home, so that I wouldn't have to feel the pain.

Maybe my emotions are just more raw today. Tomorrow is our follow-up appointment with the newest specialist and I am more nervous than I ever thought I would be. We will get the results of the last testing that we did and we could very well get a final word on whether or not we will ever be biological parents. I have said that I will be ok even if it is not the news that we want, that at least we will have an answer and will be able to close that door. I don't know how much I really mean that, but I am desperately trying to get there. I think it will be a process of grieving the loss of that dream. You always expect to grow up, get married and have a baby. When that is not the path that God has chosen for you, you have to come to the acceptance of that and I cannot imagine that it is always immediate. It may take some time to have a peace about that.

We have been through so much to get to this point and I just have to believe that it was not all in vain. Whether or not we ever have a biological child, I know that God is faithful and that He will provide a family for us.

Please continue to pray for us and our own appointment at "The Baby Lab" tomorrow at 3:30pm. We are still praying for a miracle, but mostly, we just want an answer. We are also praying for peace, no matter what the results are and for wisdom as to where to go from here. Either way, we will have a lot of decisions ahead of us and we desperately want to move forward according to God's plan for our lives.

So far, so good.

Miss Audrie Kate has been with us for two days now and so far, all is going really well. She is such a doll and we have loved having her here. 

Our next door neighbor saw me walking with the stroller this morning and was very confused! He said, "I know I haven't seen you in a while, but it hasn't been THAT long!" 

This is his daughter, Sydni who had to come play with "the new baby!"

And of course, we had to have a photo shoot!

I really believe that this opportunity to keep her has been a blessing to us as much as it was her parents. Our arms and hearts have been filled with the love of a baby, if only for a few days. 

What I have been up to...

Last week, some family came in town from Atlanta to stay with us. It was great to spend a few days with my Aunt Dixie, Cousin Marlee and her daughter, Jordan. (In case you are wondering, that makes her my first cousin once removed. I have always called her my second cousin, but you my researching husband had to look that up. Apparently, I was wrong, as usual.)

One of our first stops was El Tiempo. This is our favorite Mexican restaurant in town. We used to live just down the street, but we had to leave it behind when we moved out to the 'burbs.

We spent the 4th at home with Tim, Sally and Addison and our friends (and neighbors) Blake, Monica and Anthony. I tried to make a festive cake, but it didn't quite turn out as fun as I had hoped. Oh well, I tried.

We also played a little bit of wiffleball (another thing I was wrong about, I always thought it was woofleball) and shot some fireworks:

Then we headed to Dallas where Jordan was playing in a basketball tournament. Since it is only four hours away from Stillwater, my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew were able to meet us there.

This is my nephew Jackson. Isn't he adorable?My brother Tim and my cousin Marlee:

My sister-n-law Jodi and I:

We went to Billy Bob's one night and Jackson had a blast playing with his new pistols and line dancing with the basketball team:

It was a great week full of family, but the fun continues...

Right now, we have Rusty's sister Toy, our brother in law David and niece Whitney staying with us. Then, starting tomorrow, we will be keeping a four month old for a week while her mom and dad are on a cruise. So, the Woolley house is staying pretty busy!

It's a small world after all...

This blog has brought about some of the greatest blessings in my life right now... 

FRIENDS. 

New friendships have been formed and old friendships have been rekindled. 

Just when I needed it the most, the Lord has sent me some amazing people to help carry me through some very difficult days. 

Over the past few months, some of my new friends and I have begun to realize how small this world really is. Through the blogs and Facebook, we keep seeing that each of us have so many connections.  We kept making connection after connection and it was starting to get out of control. 

Last night, several of us "blog friends" decided to meet for dinner. Some of us were meeting for the very first time, but we just felt like we have always been buddies!

I just spent 30 minutes trying to type all of the connections that we have, but just deleted it. You couldn't follow the crazy web if you tried. Just trust me when I tell you that it is CRAZY!

• Jen "The Newlywed"- a blogworld friend that goes to my church and has lots of mutual friends. Such a doll! I am totally trying to recruit her and Grant to move to Fall Creek with us!
  
• Erica- a blogworld friend that turned out to be one of the best friends that I will ever have! I thank the Lord for sending her to me. She has been such a blessing in my life. And, she has the cutest son in the world! (Just, for the record.)
  
• Jacyln- another blogworld friend. I was so happy to hug her neck for the first time last night. One day on Facebook, she had 3 people comment on her status and I knew ALL 3 people from totally separate walks in my life. Then, I posted a picture of friends and she knew all of them from MOPS. It was really starting to freak us out! One of those people was:
• Ashley- one of my favorite people in the whole wide world. She was such a good friend when we were in junior high and high school, but life seemed to get in the way and we lost touch for a while. I am so happy to have her back and don't even feel like we missed a beat! I love her and all of her family as if they were my own. 

More boat adventures

Since we didn't have such a great experience last time we went out on the boat, we decided to head back to Orange this weekend and try again. The Woolleys went out on it this week to test out the new steering and it ran perfectly.

So, again we loaded everyone up and hit the water. The afternoon started out wonderfully. The boat was running great and the weather was beautiful. We cruised around on the water and I started getting pretty fond of our little investment. I was envisioning little projects that I could do to help spruce it up aesthetically, but happy overall with the great deal that we got.

We found a little cove to fish in and parked. There weren't a lot of fish, but we each had some action.

We decided to move over just a bit and try deeper water. That is when the real fun began. The boat wouldn't crank. Nothing. The battery had plenty of juice, but there was some sort of electrical problem and the engine wouldn't turn over at all.

We had stopped to buy some bait earlier at a local marina and noticed a Coast Guard boat. So, we called the marina and asked if the boat was still there. Of course, it wasn't. But, the sweet lady that answered the phone called the Coast Guard for us and gave them our number. When they called back, we learned that they would have to put a boat in the water over an hour away to come get us. Rusty told them not to bother, that we would find help. So, we called everyone we knew that might be able to come help. No one was available.

At least 10 boats drove right by us without even stopping. We waved our arms and sounded our air horn, but they just kept driving.

By this time, it's getting dark. The horseflies and mosquitos are coming out and the alligators are out for dinner. Not the baby alligators... I am talking the 8-10 foot papa alligators.

We had been on the boat for several hours and had a cooler full of diet coke and water. Let's just say, the girls really needed a break. We weren't wearing swim suits, but even if we were, I don't think you could have gotten me into the water with those gators.

The wind was blowing in the direction that we need to go, so we (and by we, I won't mention any names, but I am referring to the non-females on the vessel) decide to untie the boat and start drifting that way, praying for someone to stop and give us a tow.

Papa Woolley starts to paddle from the front of the boat.

I am very proud of my idea to use the top as a sail to help push us along:

(My sweet man, appeasing me by letting me take pictures of our ordeal. How else do you expect me to cope with the stress? I should at least be able to blog about it!)

And then the Coast Guard called to check on us. They told us that they had put a boat in the water anyway. They couldn't turn back unless they knew that we were safe. They should be there soon!

It was a happy moment when we saw the blue lights in the distance!

Trying to make my husband smile as we relaxed on our tow ride back:

I am sure that it is some minor electrical short that will be easily fixed, but I think that my fondness for our old boat has quickly faded.

After church today, we headed straight to the boat show.

Ready for the Boat!

Saturday, we loaded up the dogs and headed to Orange to spend the day out on the boat. We spent the morning cleaning it and doing some minor cosmetic projects to help spruce it up. It really is starting to look pretty good! 

How cute do my boys look in their life jackets?

Every once and a while, I can catch him looking, but I still can't get George to pose for the camera. He tries to "hide" from me. 

Here he is "hiding" behind Papa:

Aww, man. She found me. 
Hobby knows the drill though and will pose all day!

We loaded the dogs, coolers, fishing poles, sunscreen, Meme and Papa and headed to the water. We got everything loaded, pushed off from the trailer and realized that the steering was out! So, we loaded it back up and headed home to spend the rest of the afternoon trying to fix it. Oh, well. It was a good test run. The good news is Papa got it fixed this week and it only cost up $20 because he did all of the work! What would we do without him?